The Pressure to “Do” in This Season

This year so far has been a doozy to say the least. I cannot speak for everyone else, but I feel like I am inside of a glass box and as I look outside I see movement, I see other people making things happen, I see so much happening, I see what I can be doing, but yet I feel like I’m sitting still. I do not feel trapped, I just feel still. Stillness can be defined as the absence of movement or sound. I do not feel like I am moving, and I do not hear myself making any noise. I am not sure if this is a good or bad thing. There is so much pressure to “do” in this season, there is so much pressure to “be” in this season. I even saw a post that said, “If you come out of this pandemic with no business or new plan, then you are just lazy.” That could be true, but it is insensitive to say. Not one person is the same. It is true that we all are given the same 24 hours, however, how we use those hours are solely up to us.

Many of us are simply trying to make it through the day. Many of us are finding out new things about ourselves. Some of us did not know we had an issue with not being around people, some of us did not know how short our patience was with our kids or spouses, some of us did not know that we did not like ourselves. This pandemic has forced us to face some hard truths. Some of us have more time to deal with our inner selves.  

I am learning to move at my own pace. For so long, I have tried to keep up with what everyone else is doing. I have tried to “be” what I saw others being. That does not work for me. I am learning what works for Lekeshia and I challenge you to learn what works for you. I am not suggesting that you waste away time, however I am suggesting that you use your time as you see fit. If you are unsure of what “fit” looks like, seek God. He will reveal it to you. After all, it is Him that holds time in His hands.

Don’t be discouraged about where you are and how you are maintaining during this pandemic. Everyone is coping with this global crisis differently. Whether you are super productive during this time or barely getting things done, either way, IT IS OKAY.

In Joshua 10, we see that God granted Joshua more time. Joshua and his men were tired, so Joshua asked God to hold the sun and moon still so that they could fight. The word says, “So the sun stood still, and the moon stopped, till the nation avenged itself on its enemies…”. Like Joshua, we can also call on God and ask Him to let the sun and moon stand still so that we can accomplish all that He has ordained us to do.

Symptoms

Ever gone to the doctor and they’ve told you that they weren’t able to find anything wrong with you? However, this prognosis is not what you were expecting, neither was it what you wanted to hear, because you are experiencing symptoms, you know your body and you know what you’re feeling is unusual and not like you.

Symptoms are subjective, meaning that they are apparent only to the patient however, a sign is any objective evidence of a disease that can be observed by others. Doctors are open to hear your symptoms, it gives them an idea of what you may be dealing with, but the signs that are apparent are normally what they act upon. God can be likened to the doctors in this case. He hears our prayers, He sees the tears, He sees the pity parties, the “woe it’s me, or why is it me?” …He sees it all, however what we feel doesn’t move Him, and most of the time, if there are signs, they are sent by Him. A sign can be defined as an event whose presence or occurrence indicates the probable presence of something else. Amid our symptoms, we should seek to trace the one and only Sign that matters, and that’s Him.  

So, how do we move forward in life when there is still residue? When we’ve received prayer, but we are still feeling pain, when we have shown up to the alter call, but we still return home to chaos, when we have sown the seed and we are still struggling financially? How do we deal with symptoms? How do we deal with manifestations? There’s the Bible of course, it’s full of scriptures and direction on how to live this life, but what if our symptoms prohibit us from picking up the Bible? Ever been there? I have. 

In times when I find myself in a spiritual rut, when I feel like I’ve been doing the same old thing for too long or in a toxic routine that’s hard to break, or I feel like there’s a muzzle on my mouth…I pray, I soak, I cry…I commune with God. I don’t pick up phones, I don’t post about it, I pray. What I love about prayer is that it doesn’t have any prerequisites, you don’t need any titles, you don’t need to have it all together, you don’t even need to be whole and healed, all you need is to be willing and open and ready to hear from the Father. Psalm 51:17 tells us that God will not despise those with a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

You may be saying I don’t have a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Many of our hearts are broken. Broken by people and if some of us can be honest, broken by God. A contrite spirit is someone filled with a sense of guilt and feels sorry for themselves, also wanting to make amends for something they’ve done wrong. A lot of people fail to pray to God because He didn’t move how they wanted Him to move last time or they feel ashamed for something they’ve done and just don’t feel worthy.

In my worst times, God has shown up. In my times of shame, He was there. When I’ve sinned against myself, others and Him, He was there. I’ve never understood Psalm 139:7 the way that I understand it today. “Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there, if I make my bed in hell, you are there.” He’s always been there, and I can find comfort in knowing He’s going to always be there.

So regardless of symptoms, regardless of residue, regardless of situations that can be seen by the natural eye, I choose to call those things which are not as though they were, Romans 4:17. I choose to follow God. I choose to speak life. In death situations, I choose to live. When I feel like I’m alone, I choose to believe that God walks with me. Although our lives are in the hands of God, He has given us the ability to choose. We can choose life and success or death and disaster (Deuteronomy 30:19). Never discredit your ability to CHOOSE. Life doesn’t happen to us, we happen to life!

Unmasked

If we could be honest, there is comfort in hiding. Why do you think women wear make-up? You will rarely find a woman who is wearing foundation for pleasure (well there are some out there & no offense to those that love make up!), however most women wear make up to conceal their flaws or to “enhance” their current features.  At masquerade balls, people wear masks as disguises and other costumes to appear as someone other than themselves. In adult chatrooms, people hide behind false names and sometimes even fake profile pictures as it allows them to be whomever they choose to be in that moment; other than the person they are faced with in the mirror every day. To some people wearing a mask, hiding, concealing, can all be exciting, to others it can be exhausting. 

Webster’s dictionary defines the word façade as an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality.  Masks are worn as a disguise or to amuse other people. It’s rarely worn for the person behind the mask. Why do we go the extra measure of concealing our flaws? Is it because we are afraid of the responses of our spectators? Or is it because we fear judgment? There are many motives behind this; however I can only speak from my experience and not others.  

As a little girl, I can remember my infatuation with Barbie dolls and playing “house”. It was something about getting into character and imagining that you are some other place or someone else. Irrespective of the toxicity that was happening around me, when I was in my “play” space, I tuned out the noise of the world; I felt safe. In retrospect, I see the connection from my childhood to my adulthood and how “masking up” became my drug (my remedy, my painkiller). I began to become whoever I thought I needed to be in order to receive acceptance or approval. This persona rolled over into every aspect of my life. I hadn’t even realized that it had become my survival tactic.

Growing up in the church, we were taught to come as you are. However, the congregation made it clear that was far from the truth. Today has proven to be no different from the congregation back then. The only difference is that our congregation consists of social media, family, friends, church people, and whoever we associate ourselves with on a daily basis.  People have become so accustomed to performance based behaviors that an “I’m here for you” could easily imply, “I’m here for you, but if you can help it, don’t call me, because I really don’t care or I really don’t have time.” mere words. There are only a few people left out there that truly mean that they are here for you and will follow it up by ACTION. You will be able to effortlessly identify those people and when you do, cherish them as they are rare.

In this recent season of despair, it almost took me out. I masked every feeling, every emotion, every being of me until I couldn’t mask anymore.  Some mornings I woke up and I didn’t care to get out of the bed.  As a two-time divorcee, single mom, and a person who has faced battle after battle, I just knew I could not take anymore. I could no longer continue to live up to the expectations of the illusions and voices that were in my head. I could no longer scroll another social media outlet without looking at a picture perfect family.  I could no longer give and pour from a place where there was no living water. I could no longer be who I felt everyone wanted me to be. I could no longer be the woman who I thought would be pleasing in man’s sight. I could no longer post false statuses with fake smiles. I could no longer look at my kids and assure them everything would be alright, when in the back of my mind, I’m asking God why am I here. I could no longer go on… so I thought. I could no longer go on in the mask that I had knitted together year after year.  It was time, I had to unmask.

                To unmask is to simply expose the true character of or hidden truth about a thing or person. It was vital that I removed the cover up. I had to do it. Not only for myself, but for those who are close to me and also those who are yet to meet me. I refuse to introduce myself to another person in someone else’s armor. I can only be me. I can only be the person who God has created me to be. Even if this person is flawed and don’t have it all together yet. Even if this person doesn’t feel her best at times. Even if this person does not appear to be how I pictured her to be (we all have an ideal of how our lives should be). I can only work towards becoming the best version of myself. It’s easier that way.  It’s too much work trying to be someone you are not.  The disadvantage of “masking up” is that every mask doesn’t serve the same purpose for every occasion. You have to be a different person every day, which is simply too much work. I can no longer be bound to identity crisis. I must be who I am, confidently and without apology.  In this current decade, it’s important that we not base (measure) whether or not we’ve had a good year or season off of “conditions”. Conditions and circumstances are a part of life, they are inevitable. We must base our lives on how closer we are to accomplishing what God has placed us here to do, His will. The problem is we’ve been trying to achieve our own will or the will of others. I believe many of us; especially believers will set ourselves free by simply just removing the mask! #UnmaskWithMe

Birthdays was the worst days…

I could never forget Notorious BIG’s lyrics from one of his hit songs Juicy. When Biggie said, “Birthdays was the worst days, now we sip champagne when we thirsty”, I believe every kid from the hood felt that, I know I did. It’s a statement that implies, “I’ve arrived!” That line didn’t hit me until I became a teenager, about 13 years old or so. I remember picturing myself at some grand celebration where I had just accomplished something huge, me in a circle with the people closest to me, singing those exact lyrics! I would tell myself, I can’t wait until I can sing those words. Years went by and unfortunately that image that I had created in my head never came to pass, well at least not how I would have liked it to. I was able to say “Birthdays was the worst days…” and truly mean it , because each year that went by, on July 3rd, instead of feeling excitement, I felt depression, anger, hurt, everything… my thoughts had become my reality, in the vilest way.

Proverbs 23:7 tells us in so many words that we become our thoughts, whether good or bad. I would always hold resentment in my heart because I never had birthday celebrations (not that I can recall), never had a birthday party, so as I grew older, I started to despise  July 3rd. if I had the option, I would have skipped that day or slept through it. Childhood bitterness and resentment turned into adult rejection and depression. Instead of laughing and thanking God to see another year, I would cry and say “why Lord, why can’t I have this, why can’t I have the sweet 16, why can’t I have the birthday gifts, the birthday cake, the birthday hug, the birthday love?!” I couldn’t grasp the hand of cards I was dealt in life. Every year instead of celebrating the day I was born, it felt like I was mourning a death.

Today, it’s my 29th birthday and when I woke up this morning, I literally had to pray off the spirit of depression that tries to hit me every year on this day. Prophetess Breona Anderson calls it the Satanic Calendar, where things that you dealt with around this time last year, will try to creep back in and destroy you if you allow it. I had to commune with God in a destitute way this morning. I wish I could present to you that 10 years later, I was able to have the extravagant celebration, and quote that “I have arrived!” but that is not how my story is being written. One of my favorite scriptures, Proverbs 19:21, “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails”. That’s the type of journey that I am on right now, the one that prevails the plans and purposes of God for my life.

Instead of moping around about what I don’t have or what I have yet to accomplish, I am thanking God that I made it to see year 29, which lets me know that His promises for me are still yes and amen! All the way up until today, people have asked me, “What are you doing? What do you have planned? Anything?”…well…my plan now is to live in the moment, make memories, release grudges, release people, and gain ALL that God has for me!  

(Sing it with me lol) Birthdays was the worst days, but now that Jesus’s on my side, I live on purpose! Aye!  

#BBW

The acronym and hashtag #BBW have been making its’ headlines lately. You see it on every social media platform, especially since the BET Awards aired on Sunday night, and after Lizzo’s performance, she surely has the BBW gang hyped. Having said that, BBW is currently trending at an all-time high, well, until the next big trend makes it debut. BBW may refer to many different things such as Big Beautiful Woman, Black Beautiful Woman, Bath & Body Works, or even Black Business Woman, the list goes on. However, on today, I want to introduce to you Casters a new denotation of BBW. Let’s get into it!

BBW: Belief(s) before withdrawal

Belief is an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists. Belief can also be defined as trust, faith, or confidence in something or someone. As Christians, we have many beliefs (views, opinions), but our most notable belief is our faith in God the Father, Jesus Christ as the Son of God and Holy Spirit. Other beliefs are our belief in the Word of God, our steadfast faith, our morals, principles and behaviors. Recalling your beliefs is key when trying to steer away from withdrawal or withdrawing from a thing prematurely.

Withdrawal is the action of withdrawing something, taking away, or removal. Many of us tend to withdraw from life when things get too hard, or when things are not working the way we hoped them to work. Many of us withdraw from ourselves, which then leads to self-hatred. You often find us withdrawing from others and/or situations when it’s more fitting for us, assuming isolation would be our best option. Withdrawal has its’ pros and cons. Though, in this context I am referring to withdrawing from a thing before bearing in mind your beliefs.

I recently started a new position at work which required two months of intensive training. This training has been very challenging for me, however by God’s grace, I am set to graduate from this class on Friday! Woohoo! Hallelujah! It’s been a journey. Many days I didn’t see the light, I only saw darkness. I was like really God?! I accepted this new position, expecting a greater level of peace that my old position did not provide, and now while in this new training, I’ve experienced many doubts, tears, fears, etc.…I was so frustrated!! Now, suddenly, two days prior to the end of this training, prior to graduation, I am starting to receive accept revelation. The revelation was always there, I was just so caught up in feelings and everything else, I could not comprehend. I was ready to throw in the towel, I was angry, and I was about to withdraw from this training and go back to a position that was easier for me, more money but no peace…how foolish!

We are Casters, not fools. 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast all our anxieties on Him, our creator, the one who knows us, the one who isn’t surprised by what we’re dealing with, our Father. Remember, it’s Beliefs Before Withdrawals, #BBW! When tempted to withdraw from life, from yourself, from others, stop for a second and turn your attention to your beliefs. For you, that may mean stopping to read your bible, praying, taking a walk, speaking with a trusted friend, referring to that personal list of things you told yourself you would start or stop doing. Whatever works best for you, do that! When in that heated moment, ask yourself, “Is the decision that I am about to make favorable or unfavorable towards my future?”. If the answer is unfavorable, BBW your way through that thing!!!! You’ve got this!!!

May I move forward now?

Hello Casters! It’s the first day of the month of May! The fifth month of the year, meaning that we only have about seven more months (244 days) left until 2020! For some people, you may be saying, “Yikes! I’ve better get moving!” for others, you may be saying, “I’m on the right track; however there is still more work to do.” Whichever statement best describes your current #mood; the key objective is to keep going; to move forward.

It’s been awhile since I’ve last blogged (while you’re here, check out I’m sure of it…) and though I felt pretty good about it, the blog was written on April 11th, 2019, almost a month ago.  Seeing that it was an achievement for me, I became stuck in the highlight. Today, when I checked my calendar, I realized that we were already in a new month. That which I was holding on to occurred weeks ago, which led me to ponder about other areas in my life where I decided to reside in the last “big thing”. I had to ask myself a very serious question, “May I move forward now?”

You may be questioning, why did she ask herself to move forward? Well, the answer is simple; it was me, myself and I that positioned me into a place of stagnation. Most of the time, we are ready to place blame, ready to find an excuse as to why we have not moved forward but this time I had no one to blame. Can I tell you this?  You are where you are today because of the decisions you made on yesterday. (Jim Rohn) I love how in the book of Deuteronomy 1: 3-7, Moses reminded the People of Israel everything God had commanded him concerning them:

God, our God, spoke to us: “You’ve stayed long enough at this mountain. On your way now. Get moving… Look, I’ve given you this land. Now go in and take it. It’s the land God promised to give your ancestors…” (MSG version)

Can I translate what God said into Keshia’s terms? Translation loading… “Get up from there! You’ve been in that place for too long! Geesh, how long are you gonna dwell on that mountain?! On your way now, get moving!” He even went on to say “Look child, I’ve given you this land (territory, your future, inheritance, etc.), what else do I have to do?! Now go in and take it! Darn!” I may have been a little extra (haha), but you get the picture!

So as a result, after diving into the Word, I’m ready to answer my question:

Self: May I move forward now?

Resurrected Self: I thought you’d never ask! Yes, you may (definition: have the ability, give permission to), on your way now, get moving! Oh yeah and don’t look back, as what’s ahead is far greater than what is behind.

I’m sure of it… :)

I’ve been hearing the word “sure” for about two days now and this morning, after a very long week (ups and downs); I heard the phrase “I’m sure of it.” I asked myself, “what are you sure of?” I’m sure of whom I am, not only that, I am sure of whose I am. I am sure that as a daughter of a King, I don’t have to wrestle unnecessary matches (fights, struggles) here on earth. A lot of the thoughts that we have contributes to the trials we face. One wrong thought, one wrong memory, can send you in a whirlwind of directions.

Proverbs 4:23 tells us above ALL else (before you do anything else), guard your heart (mind), for everything you do flows from it. The heart and the mind are related. Your brain’s nervous system signals your heart to pump its blood, and your heart responds by delivering blood to your entire body, including to your brain. The steps you take to protect your heart are also ways to protect your mind. (Claret Medical ) We have to be mindful of what we allow to enter our hearts and minds.

If we are not anything else, be sure…sure that you will make it, sure that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, sure that you don’t have to go backwards (back to old relationships, back to old habits, back to things that mean you no good, back to living like hell, back to depression, back in a cage, etc), sure that you don’t have to live a life of poverty, sure that you have an inheritance, sure that there is a time and season for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). Stay SURE OF IT!

When those thoughts come, combat them with declarations based on the Word!

Example:

Negative thought: You’re broke and will always remain broke; you come from a bloodline of poverty.

Combative response: God’s word says that, “He raises the poor from the dust and lifts the beggar from the ash heap, to set them among princes.” (1 Sam 2:8). God has blessed me abundantly; so that in ALL things at ALL times, I have all that I need (2 Cor 9:8)!