Unmasked

If we could be honest, there is comfort in hiding. Why do you think women wear make-up? You will rarely find a woman who is wearing foundation for pleasure (well there are some out there & no offense to those that love make up!), however most women wear make up to conceal their flaws or to “enhance” their current features.  At masquerade balls, people wear masks as disguises and other costumes to appear as someone other than themselves. In adult chatrooms, people hide behind false names and sometimes even fake profile pictures as it allows them to be whomever they choose to be in that moment; other than the person they are faced with in the mirror every day. To some people wearing a mask, hiding, concealing, can all be exciting, to others it can be exhausting. 

Webster’s dictionary defines the word façade as an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality.  Masks are worn as a disguise or to amuse other people. It’s rarely worn for the person behind the mask. Why do we go the extra measure of concealing our flaws? Is it because we are afraid of the responses of our spectators? Or is it because we fear judgment? There are many motives behind this; however I can only speak from my experience and not others.  

As a little girl, I can remember my infatuation with Barbie dolls and playing “house”. It was something about getting into character and imagining that you are some other place or someone else. Irrespective of the toxicity that was happening around me, when I was in my “play” space, I tuned out the noise of the world; I felt safe. In retrospect, I see the connection from my childhood to my adulthood and how “masking up” became my drug (my remedy, my painkiller). I began to become whoever I thought I needed to be in order to receive acceptance or approval. This persona rolled over into every aspect of my life. I hadn’t even realized that it had become my survival tactic.

Growing up in the church, we were taught to come as you are. However, the congregation made it clear that was far from the truth. Today has proven to be no different from the congregation back then. The only difference is that our congregation consists of social media, family, friends, church people, and whoever we associate ourselves with on a daily basis.  People have become so accustomed to performance based behaviors that an “I’m here for you” could easily imply, “I’m here for you, but if you can help it, don’t call me, because I really don’t care or I really don’t have time.” mere words. There are only a few people left out there that truly mean that they are here for you and will follow it up by ACTION. You will be able to effortlessly identify those people and when you do, cherish them as they are rare.

In this recent season of despair, it almost took me out. I masked every feeling, every emotion, every being of me until I couldn’t mask anymore.  Some mornings I woke up and I didn’t care to get out of the bed.  As a two-time divorcee, single mom, and a person who has faced battle after battle, I just knew I could not take anymore. I could no longer continue to live up to the expectations of the illusions and voices that were in my head. I could no longer scroll another social media outlet without looking at a picture perfect family.  I could no longer give and pour from a place where there was no living water. I could no longer be who I felt everyone wanted me to be. I could no longer be the woman who I thought would be pleasing in man’s sight. I could no longer post false statuses with fake smiles. I could no longer look at my kids and assure them everything would be alright, when in the back of my mind, I’m asking God why am I here. I could no longer go on… so I thought. I could no longer go on in the mask that I had knitted together year after year.  It was time, I had to unmask.

                To unmask is to simply expose the true character of or hidden truth about a thing or person. It was vital that I removed the cover up. I had to do it. Not only for myself, but for those who are close to me and also those who are yet to meet me. I refuse to introduce myself to another person in someone else’s armor. I can only be me. I can only be the person who God has created me to be. Even if this person is flawed and don’t have it all together yet. Even if this person doesn’t feel her best at times. Even if this person does not appear to be how I pictured her to be (we all have an ideal of how our lives should be). I can only work towards becoming the best version of myself. It’s easier that way.  It’s too much work trying to be someone you are not.  The disadvantage of “masking up” is that every mask doesn’t serve the same purpose for every occasion. You have to be a different person every day, which is simply too much work. I can no longer be bound to identity crisis. I must be who I am, confidently and without apology.  In this current decade, it’s important that we not base (measure) whether or not we’ve had a good year or season off of “conditions”. Conditions and circumstances are a part of life, they are inevitable. We must base our lives on how closer we are to accomplishing what God has placed us here to do, His will. The problem is we’ve been trying to achieve our own will or the will of others. I believe many of us; especially believers will set ourselves free by simply just removing the mask! #UnmaskWithMe